How letting go of goals helped me to connect with the true nature of Yoga
Over 20 years ago when I started to attend yoga classes I found myself drawn to the spiritual nature of the practice. I felt lacking in some way and wanted to feel more connected and at ease in my mind and body. I was searching for things externally that I thought would fix me.
I dutifully attended yoga classes, worked hard at doing the poses and became stronger, and more flexible. But I was always striving, which meant I did not allow my true feelings and emotions to be felt. I just hoped that if I did more yoga and tried harder I would someday become a version of myself that felt better and more able to cope in the world.
The combination of life experience, yoga practice and study, along with teacher training has, over time, shifted my entire perspective. Slowly coming to understand the essence of yoga has changed the way I approach yoga, and impacted the way I teach and practice.
I have come to understand that ‘yoga’ goes way beyond the physical postures on the mat. It’s about building an honest connection with your body, breath and mind and learning to show up and be present with whatever feelings and emotions show up. It’s not a practice of self improvement, it’s a practice of self acceptance.
Yoga is not an exercise class. It’s a meditative practice; the poses are just a portal into this meditative state. So Yoga is not about mastering certain poses but about listening and responding which goes beyond simply the physical body and includes all parts of our physical, emotional and spiritual being.
Yoga is often translated to mean “union” “integration” or “absorption”. It’s not what we do in our practice, it’s how we do it that is important. And this means that it’s accessible for all; the bendy and not so bendy, the old, the young, and everyone in between. Yoga is an “inside job”. It’s about how it feels, not how it looks.
I had to let go of the idea I needed to improve, and work hard, and instead learn to tune in and respond in an honest way. I slowly learned to use my practice to build a more genuine kind relationship with myself. I spent years being driven by critical thinking until eventually, I began to recognise that I did not have to allow these voices to be in the driving seat. For me yoga is about getting into my body. It may sound simple, but in my experience it has taken time, patience and discipline. I practice being honest in my yoga, accepting and responding to how things are rather than how I would like things to be.
Yoga is an inside job: it’s about moving energy and waking up. And there are many different ways to practice. I try to just keep putting in the action and showing up for myself in my regular practice. I don’t listen to the voice that says I’m not good enough, or I’m too lazy or whatever it is. The sense of discipline for me is about returning to the practice rather than working hard and achieving certain poses. Yoga is about being open and developing compassion for myself and others. So I keep returning to the practice and see what unfolds.
So yoga for me is about shifting out of habitual patterns of effort, and striving and into a state of openness, honesty and acceptance. And there is great humility in this. Holding a handstand does not make someone more spiritual. It’s impressive, yes, and good for strength and balance but not necessarily better than lying with your legs up the wall. Don’t get me wrong I love a dynamic pose like a handstand but it’s not the ‘goal’ of yoga. The goal is the meditative state of absorption or union.
For me the process of being present in my body and gently quietening the mind has not come easily or quickly. In fact I can recognise now that I practiced for years without even knowing how it felt to really be in my body. But the discipline of returning to the practice has meant that with patience, I have been able to slowly develop a more comfortable way of being in my body. So I’m very happy that yoga has given me way more than I ever imagined possible when I began practicing over 20 years ago. I came to yoga searching for something to fix me. But what I got was a practice that taught me how to feel compassion, love, acceptance, connection, peace, humility, patience and tolerance. And it is this essence of yoga that I hope to teach in my classes, so that individuals can have a transformative experience through the practice of Yoga.
In my classes I aim to make yoga accessible, so that each individual can find the variation of the posture which is most effective for them. No striving or forcing, just an open non-judgemantal safe environment where people can find their own sense of connection or unity. So we may be doing slightly different things but we can come together in the process of drawing ourselves inwards towards a deeper sense of awareness that helps us to feel connected to ourselves, others and the world we live in.